Thursday

BOY WANTS MOM

Switching from Twitter to Blogger to give you a better handle on my Oedipus Complex Theory. Alright, here's the skinny. Infant boys get cuddled, swaddled, handled, kissed, crooned to by their mothers. Young as they are, the relationship is INTENSE. It doesn't take long, maybe just a few months, before baby boy wants to fuck his own mom. I know, I know, he's only 6 months old, how can he want to fuck anybody yet? I'll give it to you straight. He does. He's a male. He's got a penis. Even tiny ones are responsive. All that cuddling and powdering and diapering has its effect. In most cases males are wired to fuck females.

Listen, I don't want to spend any more time defending the theory. It exists. It's real. Go with it.

Okay, said little boy wants to fuck mother, powerful primal drive to. But - get this - in the midst of his oedipal passion it comes to him that she's already fucking somebody else. Dad. Big old fat hairy smelly Dad. Baby Boy's disturbed, hurt, pissed, enraged, out of his fucking mind. This big fat soft loving creature that was evincing in him the most powerful, loving, sensuous feelings was, behind his back, FUCKING HIS DAD! He'll never get over that.

So Baby Boy becomes the most dedicated man hater there is on earth. Suspicious. Angry. Paranoid. Watchful. Vengeful. He grows into a monster, competitive, damning, hostile, ready to chop off another male's head at the drop of a hat. You could hypothesize this is at root of all the troubles between nations, heads of state, armies, macho generals - hatred of the other guy who just might wanting to be fucking your girl.

It's probably why the males who are affected most by this brutal early life betrayal break through court orders to stay away from their estranged wives only to murder them. Even though it was her right, she fucked another guy.

Now to some, the big crack in this theory, no pun intended, is why doesn't Baby Girl harbor the same savage jealousy. 'Cause she's Baby Girl, lamebrain. She's not wired to fuck her mother. Thus, when her mother jettisons her to climb into the sack with Daddy, it doesn't have nearly the same snap of betrayal. Baby Girl never wanted to fuck big, soft, cuddly Mommy in the first place, so when it happens that Mom strays, Baby Girl doesn't give a shit. That's just Mommy being Mommy. Fucking some other guy. Girls do that.

Now she may want to fuck Daddy for all the reasons Baby Boy wants to fuck Mommy. But Daddy isn't the central figure in the baby's life. He's off at the side, occasionally showing up. But basically not the major person Baby Girl is imprinted by. He's off bowling, or tinkering with his car, quaffing brews with the guys. His role as parent just isn't as intense.

So there you have it, kids. If you're a boy, you're fucked 'cause you'll never quite trust your lady, always be looking over your shoulder, suspicious, untrusting, angry. After all, it happened to you once, at your most impressionable and vulnerable and weakest. You know in your bones, the bitch can always do it to you again. That's the power women have over men!

1 Comments:

At 8:25 PM, Blogger EM_C said...

Just to clarify, your big point here is that a man is unable to trust his mother? Do you think that a man is unable to trust any girl, in general, because of this early life betrayal you write about?

 

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