Monday

THE IRONMAN IS A MAN OF FEW WORDS

You've probably got the message by now loudly and clearly, but I thought it important to actually put it down in writing: THE IRONMAN DOESNT SAY MUCH.

You know that I count actions to be a trillion times more important, more informative, more substantial, more telling than words. To me words are just hot air, warming up, showing off, filling the void. Actions, instead, are everything.

If a girl says she loves you, adores you, finds you exhilarating and charming and sexy and fun to be with, but you can never get a date with her, what's the real truth? She'd rather be somewhere or with someone else.

If, on the other hand, she doesn't say all that much but rings your doorbell, comes in, and hops into bed with you, what can you read from this? That she wants to be with you.

Get in the habit. Read people's actions. Discount their words. It's only when the two are consistent...when a person does what she says she's going to do...that you can start to take great stock in her words.

Women, whether they're aware of it or not, will view you in the same way. Sooner or later they will pay a lot more attention to what you do than what you say.

Use this to your advantage. Be a man of great actions and few words. Invite a girl to a great restaurant, the best in town. Spring for a good bottle of wine. When she gets up to go to the ladies room, stand for her. When she returns, get out of your chair again.

When you take her home, don't ask if you can come in. Simply tell her you had a great evening, hope she did as well, and will see her soon. Wow! What an impact you'll have.

A man who's different. A man who doesn't automatically start trying to paw her just because he's bought her a nice dinner.

You can say all you want to a woman but unless you're a spectacular comedian or storyteller, and most of us are not, it's just hot air. But when you buy her a nice meal, behave like a perfect gentleman, don't fill the evening with the kind of self-absorbed bragging that most men spew out non-stop, your actions will be saying wonderful things about you.

You have the money to buy a nice meal, the taste to choose a nice place. You're not cheap. You think she's worth it. You have good manners. You're interested enough in her life not to have.to talk exclusively about' yourself. You're confident enough in your job and accomplishments that you don't have to be bragging. You're not so threatened by a dead spot in the conversation that you feel compelled to rush in and fill it with meaningless words. And you don't expect to be repaid with sex just because you bought her a nice meal.

Man, that's a guy who's different, who's not a blabbermouth, whose
actions speak of confidence and accomplishment and generosity.

Believe me, I understand the compulsion to speak, the belief that you can accomplish anything through speech. We're brought up on it. Look at Cyrano de Bergerac, whose words were so lovely they triumphed over a nose that just wouldn't quit. In the movies men are always seducing reluctant women through the sheer power of their language.

In real life, however, I believe you'll find that actions speak far, far louder than words. In my early twenties, after putting my foot in my mouth on date after date, after discovering the more I talked the less masculine and desirable I felt, I simply gave up talking. At first, it was just to limit the damage. I figured the less I spoke the less chance I'd come off looking like an idiot. Take 'em out to dinner, don't speak unless spoken to, and take 'em home again — that became my game plan. I wasn't even trying to get laid.

But what do you think happened? All of a sudden girls were inviting me in after dinner ~ for a drink, no less. Frequently, they'd even let me take them to bed. What I discovered was that the mere action of buying a girl a nice dinner - and not screwing it up by trying too hard to be different, creative, and loveable with my words — was enough. Girls were reading enough into just that ~ a nice dinner. It was saying far more than I could ever say with words. In fact, words had been actually screwing it up.

Give it a try. Buy a girl a nice dinner or take her to the theatre or a pro basketball game or a first-run movie and just say the bare minimum. "Hi. How's it going? How's work? How's everything?" Let her do all the talking. Be a man of action, not words. You'll be astonished at how effective it is. And how liberating and comfortable it is to feel that you don't have to hit a home run by being clever, that you can just sit back and enjoy the food, the show, whatever, while she rushes in to fill the voids.

In truth, your very quietness will have her questioning herself, wondering if you're bored, disinterested, wanting to be somewhere else. She'll start working that much harder to please you, to charm you, to make you like her. And you'll have discovered just one more way to dominate a woman.

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