Saturday

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE “FRIEND ZONE” (part II)

Okay, we've already discussed the single most important element in changing your platonic relationship into a sexual one: you address the problem immediately and directly. You've told her, in no uncertain terms, that it's an unbearable -- borderline unacceptable -- hardship that she doesn't want to sleep with you. Good, it's out in the open now. She's heard it with her own ears. You want to go to bed with her. You're not just hanging around for her friendship.

At least on an unconscious level she's been smart enough to guess it. Now she knows it for sure. It's the real reason you hang with her.

What I love so much about this technique is that you now have license to discuss the issue, brainstorm it, address her concerns, make adjustments, work directly to change her mind. No more need for pussyfooting around about it, half afraid that if she finds out you're real motive, she's going to order you out of her life.

It's out there, baby. You want to make love to her. It's just about all you ever think of.

So, how do you make it happen?

Here's Technique #3 - BEGGING

Every single day of the year, millions of things are gotten through begging. In cities all across the world beggars, hands out, are handed tens of millions of dollars just by asking for it. Little kids are given toys, dogs, trips, money just by begging their folks. "Please, ma, please can we go to Disneyworld. Pleaasssseee." And mom gives in.

Try it on your friend. "Please, Lisa, please, please, please will you go to bed with me. Just once. I just want to see how it feels to lie next to you once. Haven't I been there for you when your mom got sick, you got fired, didn't get into the grad school you wanted. I'm always there for you, it's the one thing you can do for me. I'd appreciate it more than anything in the world." Even be funny about it. "I'll be your best friend, your BFF." Really plead sincerely enough, really mean it, and don't be surprised if she says, "Oh, what the hell. Sure." And as she pulls back the covers, "Come on, get in. We're only going to do this once."

Technique #4 - BRIBERY

If begging doesn't work, or you sense she's weakening but not quite there yet, turn it up a notch. Offer her something she really wants. "Please, just once, Lisa. I'll buy you a present. I'll get you tickets to 'Wicked,' I'll take you to dinner at The Palm. I'll buy you that dress in the window of Bloomingdale's."

"You're crazy," she'll say. "Why would you want to spend $225 on a dress for me? I don't believe it. That's ridiculous."

And you'll reply: "That's how bad I want to make love to you. That's how important it is to me. Shit, I'd fly you to Paris for the weekend if you'll go to bed with me. That's how beautiful I find you. That's how incredibly sexy."

You're out of the friend zone now, pal. You're talking sex. You're talking seduction. You're the man and she's the chick again. And watch how fast you start to change in her eyes. You've got a dick and it's talking to her! Yeah, baby!

Bribery works like no other technique in the world. Although not a popular way to put it, the fact is it's at the heart of just about all male-female love relationships. So if you've offered the bribe, be prepared for two things. To really spend the money you've promised. And to get laid, right then and there. On a purely materialistic basis, of course, she lusts for the item you've been smart enough to offer. After all, you know her well. But more importantly, your offer symbolizes the depth of your feelings for her, the intensity of your attraction.

(more coming soon)

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE “FRIEND ZONE” (Part One)


This is for all you guys out there who have somehow let yourself become best buddies with a woman without getting your mitts on her. You should feel bad but not too bad because it happens to millions of men on an ongoing basis – Christ, it’s probably happening to thousands of guys right now – they’re bringing a date home and not taking her in their arms and kissing her good night.

That’s how it starts most of the time – you’re worried she doesn’t like you enough. That she doesn’t find you attractive. That you’re not good-looking enough.

I call this thinking like a girl. Hah! Not good-looking enough. That’s not your job, pal. You’re a guy. You’re not supposed to be the good-looking one. That’s her job. That’s why there’s cosmetics, eyebrow pencils, eyebrow pluckers, G-strings, face creams, push up bras, red dresses. That’s why women spend literally thousands of hours in front of the mirror every year. That’s a woman’s role: to be the good-looking one.

You’re supposed to be confident. Strong. Self-assured. Somebody who can get out there, slay the dragons, bring home a decent living, and give your woman the fucking of a lifetime. So, for fuck’s sake, stop worrying about being good-looking – it can only get you in trouble.

Now there are sages out there who will tell you once in the friend zone, never in the end zone. I say bullshit. It’s not necessarily going to be easy, but with a little ingenuity and balls you can break free and develop a fantastic sex life with the woman you fear doesn’t want anything more from you than a kiss on the cheek. And I’m going to tell you how to do it right fucking now. I’ve done it myself. And if a 5’ 5” round-faced gnome like me can do it, shit, a dude like you should be able to fucking sprint out.

Alright, here’s the dope. 8 simple but brilliant ideas for turning your friendship with a woman into an intensely sexual relationship – starting now!

BE DIRECT: Don’t let one more date go by without confronting the issue. Say, “There’s an elephant in the room that has to be addressed. I want to have a sex life with you and you have consigned me the role of friend. I love hanging with you but I can’t stand not being able to take you in my arms and make love with you. You’re just too fucking desirable, too sexy, too hot, too beautiful. I have to go to bed with you."

In rare instances, the very act of confronting the subject will unleash her suppressed desire for you – she’ll be so turned on by your courage in bringing it up. Ironically, she herself may have actually felt like the one trapped in the friend zone, thinking you didn’t find her good-looking enough. What a relief it will be for her to discover that you’ve been dying to get your paws on her. She’ll pop right into your arms. This will happen, but rarely.

More likely, a woman will admit, usually with politeness and a sense that she wishes it weren’t so, that she’s just not physically attracted to you. This, of course, has been your worst fear all along, and probably the biggest reason you’ve been afraid to make the first move. You didn’t want her putting the kebash on the whole situation and telling you you just don’t turn her on. For many guys the mere thought of it is just too damn painful.

I say do it anyway. If it’s the case she doesn’t find you handsome, now you know what the issue is. Now it can be addressed. You get a new haircut – now do you find me handsome enough, you say. You work off 20 pounds in the gym. Don’t tell me I’m not sexy enough now, baby. You get a cool new shirt, tight new jeans. How hot are you now. Keep at it. It’s on the table. It’s being talked about. In fact, you’ve been given an assignment. Get handsomer. Do it. Work at it. And flaunt the evidence in her face on a constant basis. I’m wearing a sexy new eau de cologne. Here, smell. Pull her close and press her face to your skin. She’ll be impressed by your aggressiveness. She may suddenly and quite unexpectedly find herself sexually aroused by the whole experience. Give it a shot.

FLATTER: Tell your good-looking female friend that she is the most beautiful, sexiest person in your life by far – no one even comes close. Be elegiac, worshipful. Her nose is like that of a Greek statue – look one up on the web, find a statue with a great nose, and use the name on your friend. Point out how guys stare at her when the two of you are walking down the street, sitting in a Starbuck’s. Wax eloquent about the beauty of her breasts, ass, hair, waist, face. Never stop. She’ll become addicted to the compliments, excited by them. They may actually be making her wet. There you are, sitting over coffee with her, telling her what an unbelievable hottie she is, and down below the table she’s creaming in her little panties. And you don’t even know about it. Believe me, pal, extreme, and I mean extreeeeme flattery makes a woman feel transported, elated, finally living life the way she was always meant to live it. She ceases to worry about the guy who’s laying it on and just sits back and luxuriates on the laying on part. At this point it could be anybody - she's ready, pounce on her.

The second part of this FLATTER section is what I call the close. You’ve put her in a fabulously receptive mood by telling her how lovely she is – now take advantage of it. Close the deal. Tell her you simply can’t stand the idea of never seeing her under the sheets, never getting a chance to appreciate all her physical beauty, never feeling what it’s like lying next to such a soft, curvy body, next to such extraordinary breasts.

Believe it or not, she’ll actually start to feel sorry for you. She’ll think, Gee, we are really good friends and if he’s this attracted to me I really ought to throw him a good fuck once. I mean, the poor guy, going his whole life without experiencing the beauty and pleasure of lying with me. What’s the big deal. “Come on, Charlie,” she’ll say. “Get over here. I’m only going to show you how to do this once.”

Of course, if you do a good enough job and don’t come in two seconds, chances are she’ll start balling with you on a regular basis. So don’t fuck it up.

Okay, gang, it’s 4:37 a.m. and the ambien I took half an hour ago is starting to kick in - see, I take ambien just like Tiger, so how come I suck so bad at golf - so I’m going to get back in bed. Rest assured, there are 6 more techniques to be discussed, but they’ll have to wait till whenever I get up the inspiration to write them. They are: Bribery, Begging, Timing, Irreverence, Logic, and Persistence. And they’re incredibly important techniques for breaking out of the friend zone and into the end zone. Stay tuned.

1 Comments:

At 4:21 PM, Blogger Ana Lucía said...

I can't beggin to tell how TRUE this is. Looks doesn't matter, guys. FLATTER works exactly as described.

 

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