Tuesday

MILFS -- the next section

(if you missed the first part of this screenplay, it appears several postings below. enjoy)


INT. KITCHEN, PORIS HOME - NIGHT
Florence Poris (of Davey Robbin's lawnmowing fantasy) is wrapping what's left of dinner, Mark is drying dishes, his younger sister, BECKY, is loading the dishwasher.
In the BACKGROUND, an Aerosmith video plays on MTV. Mark watches his mother in profile.
MARK
Hey, Ma, you gonna be my date for Tux Night?
FLORENCE PORIS
Of course, I'll be your date for Tux Night. What other mother do you have?
MARK
You gotta wear something hot. Danny and Billy are emceeing.
FLORENCE PORIS
I'll wear my Donna Karan with the cutout shoulders.
HANNAH, Mark's older sister, comes in from the dining room with a tray of dirty dishes.
HANNAH
Hey, you were gonna give me that dress. Daddy wants decaf.
MAR
K
Ma, know what all my friends say?
His sisters stop to listen. The question seems pregnant with meaning.
FLORENCE PORIS
What's that, sweetie?
MARK
You're a milf.
BECKY
Oh, Mark, that's disgusting.
FLORENCE PORIS
What's a milf?
HANNAH
You're not going to tell her, are you?
MARK
Mother I'd like to fuck.
BECKY
All the boys say it, Ma.
FLORENCE PORIS
(sort of shocked, sort of flattered)
You guys talk about each other's mothers?
MARK
Constantly.
BECKY
They're awful. You should hear what they say about Jill Constantine's mother.
FLORENCE PORIS
What?
BECKY
That -- that she, like, smells down there.
FLORENCE PORIS
You don't?!
MARK
I don't.
FLORENCE PORIS
You boys are terrible.
MARK
The guys sure like you. Danny, Billy, Albert -- they all say you've got a great butt.
BECKY
Billy? He's pretty cute.
HANNAH
He's a slimebucket. He thinks he's God's gift to women.
FLORENCE PORIS
What about that adorable Tommy Brigham?
MARK
Oh, yeah, Tommy, too. He thinks you're pretty.
FLORENCE PORIS
Really! He said that?
ROBERT PORIS, about fifteen years older than his wife and not nearly as attractive, comes lumbering into the kitchen with an empty wine bottle.
BECKY
Dad, Mark told Mommy she's a milf.
ROBERT PORIS
What's a milf?
FLORENCE PORIS
I can't believe with all those beautiful young girls in the high school, you guys sit around and talk about each other's mothers?
ROBERT PORIS
What's a milf?
INT. TOMMY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tommy is lying back in bed in the dark, the only light coming from an old black-and-white movie on the VCR.
Tommy watches, transfixed, as a young couple (circa 1940) walk hand and hand across the Dartmouth campus, their entire world blanketed in snow.
DISSOLVE TO...
EXT. SANTA BARBARA H.S. STADIUM - DAY
Vanessa Dukes, in hoop earrings, full makeup, and Hermes scarf is letting her son Billy off outside the hometeam locker room.
VANESSA DUKES
If you guys don't win, do me a favor. Stay over at Danny's tonight.
BILLY
Thanks, mom.
EXT. CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY - DAY
Danny Hill is standing next to his shiny black Camaro, an athletic bag at his feet. His mother LISA, still in her silk bathrobe, puts her hands on his shoulders. She is a tall woman in her late thirties with the classic glamor of a young Lena Horne.
LISA HILL
I want you to pretend I'm sitting on the 50 yard line, rooting my heart out.
DANNY
It's okay, Ma. Dad needs you down there.
LISA HILL
I love you, sweetie.
She gives Danny a big hug, then he gets into his car. Lisa follows him down the driveway, waving.
LISA HILL
You watch out for your sister.
INT. KITCHEN, PORIS HOUSE - DAY
Mark is sitting at the table piling lox on a bagel. Florence, looking particularly sexy in her track shorts and tube top, is slicing a bermuda onion.
MARK
Ma, hurry up, I'm already 15 minutes late.
FLORENCE PORIS
You can't eat bagels and lox without onions.
MARK
They're gonna love me in the huddle.
EXT. DRIVEWAY, MOUNTAIN HOME - DAY
TOMMY BRIGHAM sits in the driver's seat of a vintage snub-nosed Ford pickup, drumming his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. He honks the horn.
From Tommy's POV we survey the front yard of this rough-hewn house, built on stilts. Several giant metallic sculptures adorn the property.
Ariel exits the house, locks the door, and walks toward the truck. She has an arty look, wears loose-fitting gray workpants and a thick Irish sweater that has seen better days. She's a good 15 - 20 pounds overweight.
INT. PICKUP TRUCK - DAY
From Tommy's POV, we watch Ariel get into the truck. She wears no make up. Her medium-length hair is streaked with gray, hanging limply about her face. It could be cleaner.
TOMMY
I thought you were going to wear your blazer. You look so pretty in that.
ARIEL
It's a football game.
She switches the radio from ROCK to OPERA.
TOMMY
It's the Thanksgiving Day game. Coach says the scout from Dartmouth'll be there.
He switches radio back to ROCK.
ARIEL
I thought you'd decided against Dartmouth.
TOMMY
Not totally.
ARIEL
Well, he sure as hell isn't coming to look at me.
She switches back to OPERA.
CUT TO:
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
Goleta versus Santa Barbara. Big Thanksgiving game. Blue sky, no clouds.
Late in the fourth quarter, little more than one minute to play. Goleta's up by six. Santa Barbara's on its own 32 yard line. Crowd's going nuts.
Santa Barbara breaks from the huddle, the quarterback, Tommy Brigham, lost among the towering linemen. The team moves briskly toward scrimmage, the guards and tackles assuming their mighty stances in unison.
Tommy looks like a small boy as he takes his place behind Jose's mammouth haunches. Tommy surveys the opposition.
THE CAMERA FINDS two middle-aged men among the crowd. The first, RANDY SIMMONS, wears an Alabama sweatshirt, the other, TONY GUILFORD, a green Dartmouth sweatshirt under a tweed jacket.
SIMMONS
Bet that boy's not five feet seven inches tall.
GUILFORD
(showing him program)
Says here he's five nine.
Simmons snorts derisively.
TOMMY
(at top of his lungs)
SEVENTEEN! SEVENTEEN! TWENTY-EIGHT!
On twenty-eight, the front line rears up. Tommy scampers back five, seven, nine yards behind scrimmage. The wide receivers fly downfield.
Tommy glances left, middle, and finally right where wide receiver Billy Dukes is beginning to pull away from the cornerback defending him.
Tommy cocks his arm and fires, unleashing an astonishingly long line drive of a spiral.
GUILFORD
Boy's got a gun.
The ball has been thrown with perfect timing, except that Billy breaks toward the middle instead of the sideline.
SIMMONS
(contemptuously)
Stanford can have him.
GUILFORD
Dartmouth.
TOMMY
No! You idiot! Right! Right!
Too late. The Goleta safety reaches out for the uncontested ball, making a spectacular fingertip catch. In a rage, Tommy fires his helmet at the ground.
TOMMY
You idiot! Fuck! Shit!
The Goleta safety turns upfield, a group of blockers forming in front of him. Tommy, unhelmeted, races furiously toward them. Single-handedly, he forges through the blockers, smashing his right fist down upon the football.
The football flies out of the safety's grasp and bounces on the turf. In one extraordinary motion, Tommy flings the safety aside, sweeps up the ball, and races for the goal line.
The CAMERA FINDS Ariel in the stands. She leaps to her feet, screaming.
ARIEL
GO! GO, TOMMY, GO!
GUILFORD
Run! Run!
Now the CAMERA FINDS another face, this one among the Goleta rooters, a man's face, handsome and well-groomed.
TEDDY WERNER
(quietly, passionately)
Go, Tommy, go, go.
The woman to his left, JESSICA WERNER, looks at him curiously.
On the field a lone defender flings himself at Tommy's feet, knicking his heel. For an instant, it looks as if Tom is going to stumble, but he somehow manages to right himself as he crosses the goal line.
His teamates descend on him. On the scoreboard 6 points go up for Santa Barbara, tying the game.
GUILFORD
The boy's got heart.
SIMMONS
The boy got lucky.
The crowd quiets as Santa Barbara lines up to kick the extra point. The center snaps the ball, and the kicker promptly linedrives it into the crossbar. It bounces back onto the field unceremoniously.
SFX. TREMENDOUS GROAN FROM SANTA BARBARA SIDE.
INT. BOY'S LOCKER ROOM - DAY
Naked boys walk this way and that. The aura of the place is subdued -- no ecstatic whooping, but, no crying, cursing, or smashing of lockers. Basically, the team is relieved to have escaped with a tie.
Not Tommy Brigham, however. He sits in front of his locker, a towel draped over his head.
His teamates walk by and pat him on the head, mumbling the usual inanity, "Good game, man", "Almost, Tommy", "You were great, man".
Suddenly, the locker room door flies open. It is Vanessa Dukes. CAMERA CUTS to her POV -- three dozen teenaged boys in various states of undress.
RIGHT GUARD
(whispering to kid at next locker)
Milf alert.
LINEBACKER
What a rack!
Some duck behind lockers, some grab their towels. Some just stand there in their nakedness and stare back at her brazenly.
An ASSISTANT COACH in khakis and a sweatshirt walks over.
ASSISTANT COACH
Sorry, Ma'am, this is a closed locker room.
VANESSA DUKES
It's open now, Coach. Where's Billy?
LINEBACKER
(top of lungs)
Hey, Dukes, your mother.
Tommy looks up and notices her.
TOMMY
Hi, ya, Mrs. Dukes.
VANESSA DUKES
(sympathetically)
He cut the wrong way, didn't he?
TOMMY
It's okay. We got the TD anyway.
Billy appears from behind a locker, a towel wrapped around his waist.
VANESSA DUKES
Christ, Billy, I can understand not learning your Spanish. But a fly pattern! Jesus!
BILLY
Ma, come on, there's naked guys here.
VANESSA DUKES
Nothing I haven't seen before.
INT. VOLVO - DAY
Teddy and Jessica Werner are speeding north on 101.
JESSICA WERNER
It was just weird, that's all.
TEDDY WERNER
I said drop it.
JESSICA WERNER
Rooting against your own son.
Teddy doesn't say anything, just presses on the accelerator.
JESSICA WERNER
I never heard of such a thing.
TEDDY WERNER
(slamming his palm on the steering wheel)
Listen, Rich is fifteen. He's got his whole career ahead of him. It was that boy's last game. He made a beautiful play. I got caught up in it. So shoot me.
Jessica glares at him out of the corner of her eye.
INT. BLACK '95 CAMARO - DAY
Danny drives west on Milpas, Billy sitting shotgun. The backseat is crowded with Roger, Albert, Jose and Mark.
SFX. SNOOP DOGGY DOGG SINGS "GIN AND JUICE" ON THE CD PLAYER.
BILLY
(turning to kids in back)
Lisa!
MARK
Without question. Milfus Negrosis. Known to be among the hottest of the gender with a rather special ability to copulate for hours at a time.
DANNY
How the fuck would you know, Poris. I suspect you've never been with a Negress before.
JOSE
He never been with nobody.
ROGER
That's a double negative, Cardozo. It's like saying, 'he been with somebody.'
MARK
The question is, Danny, have you ever been with a Negress?
ALBERT
Boy just fucks white girls.
Danny turns onto Gutierrez.
DANNY
I am not a boy, Choo.
All the boys in the car except Albert emit an enormous mock sneeze.
EVERYONE
(exaggerated Oriental accent)
Ahhhhhhh-Choooo!
DANNY
And, in fact, judging from Sunyoung's sideways snatch --
ALBERT
Leave my sister out of it, man.
DANNY
-- she's not remotely of the Caucasian persuasion, thus, disproving your hypothesis that I only do white chicks.
The Camaro makes a sudden sweeping turn into the driveway of a tiny, lime-green house. A stout Hispanic woman, MARIA CARDOZO, is putting up a Creche on the tiny front lawn.
MARK
Jesus, you people start early.
ROGER
Jesus is what Christmas is all about, Poris, something your people seem obsessively unwilling to accept.
Mrs. Cardozo has stopped to wave at the boys. She is wearing a too-small gray sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants that still can't hide her massive lower girth.
BILLY (O.S.)
Maria?
THE CAMERA DRIFTS IN to study her face. It is square, wide, the fatness of her cheeks squeezing her eyes half-closed. A rather obvious moustache graces her upper lip.
ROGER (O.S.)
She is an hairy woman.
ALBERT
(stepping out of car to let Jose out)
Imagine her bush, man. Must wrap around her like a diaper.
JOSE
Shut the fuck up, man. Chink bastard.
MARK
I'll bet there's things growing in there.
EXT. ALSTON ROAD - DAY
The Camaro is speeding along Alston and, without slowing, makes a vicious right onto Cima Linda Lane. It screeches to a stop in front of a long, modern ranch.
Florence Poris is out on the front lawn, clipping flowers, her butt in the air.
BILLY (O.S.)
Ah, true milfness in all its ripening splendor.
Florence hears the car and turns to face it. THE CAMERA studies her long tan legs, her pretty olive-complected face.
DANNY (O.S.)
The paradigm of Mediterranean beauty, flower of the desert.
ALBERT (O.S.)
Man, what I wouldn't do with that Jew bitch.
MARK (O.S.)
Ah, just what my mother is looking for. A Chinese boy with acne.
Florence walks over to the car and leans in Billy's window.
FLORENCE PORIS
(smiling)
Heard you guys tied it up in the last minute.
ROGER
If the dork in the front seat hadn't cut the wrong way, we could have won.
Mark gets out of the car and takes out his shoulder pads and gym bag from the trunk.
FLORENCE PORIS
Oh, a tie's not so bad.
DANNY
A tie, Mrs. Poris, is like kissing your sister.
BILLY
If I had a sister like Sunyoung I would do nothing but kiss my sister.
ALBERT
Enough with my sister already.
FLORENCE PORIS
(laughing)
You boys are crazy.
She throws her arm over her son's shoulder.
FLORENCE PORIS
Hurry up and shower. Grandma and Grandpa'll be here any minute.
INT. CAMARO - DAY
As Danny waits to pull out onto Alston Road, the snub-nosed Ford pickup truck speeds by.
SFX HORN HONKING
The boys wave at the truck; Tommy and Ariel wave back.
ROGER
Ariel Brigham?
ALBERT
Ugh.
DANNY
Lesbo.
BILLY
Bulldike.
INT. PICKUP TRUCK - DAY
ARIEL
Well, I think you played great.
TOMMY
Ma, the guy from Dartmouth was there. I threw an interception on the most important play of the game.
ARIEL
It wasn't your fault.
TOMMY
He doesn't know that.
ARIEL
Besides, I thought you'd decided against Dartmouth.
TOMMY
(sharply)
I told you, not totally.
EXT. TORNOE ROAD - DAY
The truck turns left onto a steep, rutted driveway, passing a large hand-lettered sign that reads 'NO TRESPASSERS.' It pulls to a stop in front of the Brigham home.
A gleaming forest green Jaguar sits in the driveway. Tony Guilford has been perched on the car's hood, reading. At the sight of the pickup, he stands.
Tommy and his mother get out of the truck. Guilford approaches, his hand extended.
GUILFORD
Great game, son. Tony Guilford's the name. Dartmouth '64.
Tommy moves toward the man, reaching out his hand. Meanwhile, Ariel has reached back into the truck and taken out a shotgun. She doesn't brandish it, just places the stock on the ground, leaning on it like a walking stick.
TOMMY
Tommy Brigham, sir.
ARIEL
Didn't you see the sign, Mister?
TOMMY
Ma, cut it out.
GUILFORD
Maybe it was wrong of me, Mrs. Brigham, but I just assumed it was aimed at those who've come to do harm. I want to talk to you and Tom about the possibility of his coming to Dartmouth.
ARIEL
The boy's not interested.
GUILFORD
I'm sorry. Didn't realize you'd already made up your mind.
TOMMY
I haven't made up my mind, Mr. Guilford.
Guilford looks a bit confused.
TOMMY
My mother has a little trouble keeping all the colleges straight.
GUILFORD
I see. Well, glad to hear we're still in the running. Hey, those sure are beautiful sculptures.
TOMMY
My mother made 'em.
GUILFORD
You're a very talented woman, Mrs. Brigham.
ARIEL
If you've got anything to say to us, Mister, you put it in writing.
INT. DINING ROOM, DUKES HOME - NIGHT
A long formal room with a long formal table bisecting the very heart of it. An elaborate chandelier hangs over the center of the table, gilt-edged mirrors adorn every wall.
At either end of the table a uniformed servant serves turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce from a silver platter.
The assemblage of relatives sitting about are blond and waspy-looking. There is little conversation.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR. sits imperiously if not a little drunk at one end of the table. Suddenly, he throws down his fork with a terrible clatter. Everyone turns to look at him.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR.
(with utter disgust)
He's schmatzing again.
VANESSA DUKES
Eat with your mouth closed, Billy.
BILLY
I am eating with my mouth closed. I always eat with my mouth closed, for Christ sake.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR.
I heard schmatzing (to demonstrate, he makes a smacking sound with his mouth).
BILLY
I was not schmatzing.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR.
(throwing down his knife)
Are you calling me a liar?
BILLY
No, sir, I am not calling you a liar.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR.
(standing up)
Because if you're calling me a liar, we're going to take this outside and settle it right now. Nobody calls me a liar in my home.
BILLY
Oh, Christ, I can't believe this. (he gets up) You know what? You're not a liar. You're a fuckin' douchebag drunk and I have no idea how Mom can stand living with you.
Billy rushes from the room.
WILLIAM DUKES, SR.
(hollering after him)
You come back here, young man, this instant --
VANESSA DUKES
Now look what you've done.
The eight guests sit looking straight ahead, as if paralysed.
EXT. PACINI COTTAGE - NIGHT
Neat little white home on a small plot of land. A single light shines on the ground floor.
AURELIA PACINI
(O.S., Italian accent)
When your mother was still alive, that's when we had Thanksgiving.
INT. PACINI DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Roger sits caddy corner from his GRANDMOTHER, a tiny old Italian woman in a wheelchair.
AURELIA PACINI
Sometimes we had 35, 40 people even. Of course, in those days, I always made pasta with the turkey -- rigatoni, risotto, lasagne --
ROGER
Tagliatelli.
AURELIA PACINI
Si, tagliatelli. How can you call it Thanksgiving without tagliatelli.
INT. BRIGHAM DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Ariel is watching Tommy devour a drumstick.
ARIEL
If you go to Dartmouth, who will I have Thanksgiving dinner with?
TOMMY
You'll meet a guy.
Ariel takes a long sip of wine.
ARIEL
I told you, I'm through with guys. They're idiots.
TOMMY
I guess that makes me an idiot?
ARIEL
Sweetie, if there were guys like you out there...
TOMMY
You never give anyone a chance.
ARIEL
Sure, I do. I was crazy about Arthur, and he dumped me for that bimbo.
TOMMY
Bimbo? She's a librarian, for God's sake.
ARIEL
Well, she looks like a bimbo.
TOMMY
Are you saying anyone who wears nice clothes is a bimbo?
ARIEL
Are you saying I don't wear nice clothes?
Smiling, Ariel gets up and toussles Tommy's hair.
ARIEL (cont'd)
How about a little more stuffing?
INT. CHOO KITCHEN - NIGHT
Albert sits watching his elderly PARENTS and his sister SUNYOUNG eating some kind of stew with chopsticks, shovelling rice into their mouths almost straight from the bowl. Sunyoung is a beautiful young woman.
ALBERT
(very loud)
Hey!
His parents look up at him, startled.
ALBERT
You know what day this is? Huh?
Mr. Choo mumbles something in CHINESE.
ALBERT
It's fuckin' Thanksgiving. You know what you eat on Thanksgiving. You eat fuckin' turkey, that's what you eat, not chinky inky sooey fuckin' sub gum yub chub eely, geely --
SUNYOUNG
Oh, Albert, for God's sake. These people slave night and day for you. The least you can --
ALBERT
Oh, yeah? Well, the least you can do is not go to bed with black guys.
SUNYOUNG
What on earth are you talking about?
ALBERT
You know what I'm talking about.
INT. HILL'S FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT
BRENDA, Danny's 15 year old sister, sits watching Martin Tupper humping a particularly ravenous sex partner on "Dream On".
Brenda is cute, dreadlocked, vivacious, her face plump with baby fat. She lacks, so far anyway, the extraordinary good looks of her brother.
BRENDA
Where are Mom and Dad again?
DANNY (O.S.)
Port Antonio. Jamaica.
BRENDA
I wish they'd brought us.
DANNY (O.S.)
I had the game.
BRENDA
Oh, yeah. (thinking about it) But they didn't even ask. I would love to see a movie being made.
Danny arrives in the room with a tray of TV dinners.
DANNY
Then I would have been alone for Thanksgiving.
He sets up places for them on a card table.
BRENDA
Some Thanksgiving.
DANNY
Hey, cheer up. We got turkey and everything.
They dig into their Swanson turkey dinners.
BRENDA
You know what, this is better than Mom's turkey anyway.
SFX DISTANT BUZZER
Danny picks up the remote and presses it. Billy Dukes' face appears on the TV screen.
DANNY
Yeah, what?
BILLY
(on TV)
Lemme in. My cocksuckin' father's on the rampage again.
Danny presses another button on the remote...and a moment later the TV shows Billy entering through the front door.
INT. CARDOZO LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The entire Cardozo family, infants and grandmothers, sit slumped on couches in post-Thanksgiving meal torpor. The Christmas tree is already up and lit.
Jose sits watching the Lions battle the Packers on TV. His mother is asleep on the couch, her head thrown back, her snoring cutting into the game, her moustache looming larger than ever.
INT. DINING ROOM, PORIS' - NIGHT
The entire Poris family, including Mark's grandparents, are eating dessert.
GRANDMA PORIS
Then to top it all off I add pistachio nuts.
Mark and Becky are rolling their eyes at each other.
GRANDMA PORIS (cont’d)
Can you taste 'em?
MARK
I was wondering what those little green things were.
GRANDPA PORIS
You thought maybe they were buggers, didn't you?
FLORENCE PORIS
Dad, please.
GRANDMA PORIS
It's my secret ingredient. It's what makes my pumpkin pie so famous.
BECKY
Famous with who, Grandma?
SFX. HORN HONKING FROM DRIVEWAY
MARK
(getting up)
There's the guys. Gotta go.
GRANDMA PORIS
You haven't finished your dessert.
MARK
I'll take it with me.
Mark wraps his pie in a napkin as he races for the door.
EXT. DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
Mark flings his pie into the night as he gets into Danny's Camaro. The car backs out of the driveway and screeches down the street.
CAMERA PANS OVER to find pie sitting on lawn. A raccoon waddles over, sniffs at it, takes a bite, then spits it out violently.
INT. PACINI KITCHEN - NIGHT
Roger, looking a bit like Mr. Rogers in an apron, is washing the dishes. His grandmother, in her wheelchair, dries.
AURELIA PACINI
I don't understand. You just ate.
ROGER
We don't go there to eat. We just hang out, drink coffee.
AURELIA PACINI
There are girls there?
ROGER
Sometimes.
AURELIA PACINI
You wear a condom, understand. I don't want you gettin' the A.I.D.S.
ROGER
You say 'aids', grandma.
AURELIA PACINI
No, I don't. I say the 'A.I.D.S.'
SFX. HORN HONKING
ROGER
There's Tommy now.
Roger leans down and kisses his grandmother on the forehead.
ROGER
I love you, Grandma.
AURELIA PACINI
You be a good boy.
INT. PICKUP TRUCK - NIGHT
Roger climbs in.
TOMMY
Hey.
ROGER
Hey.
Tommy backs out of the driveway and heads west toward State Street.
ROGER
So, how was Ariel's bird? Moist?
TOMMY
Oh, yes. Moist indeed. And Thanksgiving at the Pacini's?
ROGER
Oh, very festive. Let's see, there was Grandmother and...and me.
TOMMY
We had a big crowd as well.
ROGER
You and Ariel, huh?
The two boys touch hands.
TOMMY
We are two popular motherfuckers.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home