Tuesday

Rationalization: YOU'RE NOT GETTING OLDER, YOU'RE GETTING BETTER!

If by BETTER you mean balder, fatter, more stooped, weaker, veinier, deafer, slower, hairier of nose, back, ears, more wrinkled, teeth duller, browner, yellower, breath badder, pee stream weaker, shits stinkier, nervous system shakier, fear of death, the cold, heat, drafts, droughts, noise, riots, dogs, epidemics, poverty, homelessness, disease escalated, heartbeat more erratic, love life less erotic, mind duller, sense of humor lamer, feet, ankles swollen, fingers, joints, limbs stiffer, penis droopier, balls lower, pubic hair sparser, vagina, skin, scalp, mouth, eyes drier, heartburn, rectal itch, angst, outlook, eyesight worse, golf and tennis game weaker, lust for steak, potato chips, butter, cheese, malteds, ice cream, liquor, wine, bacon, eggs, doughnuts escalating, weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol rising, pessimism, crankiness, petulance, pettiness, jealousy, cheapness, intolerance, and hatred of anyone young, successful, good-looking and happy growing, developing an insane appetite for the news, reruns, meet the press and every other sunday morning panel show, feeling weepy listening to sinatra, mathis, garland, earth angel, elvis, and doo-wop music from the 50s, hating alternative music, scarlet johansen, american idol, and generally feeling lonely, unloved, under appreciated, disrespected, no longer in the game -- if by all this you mean BETTER, then I must be fucking GREAT, baby!!

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