THE BIG LIE: If you slept with your boss, you, too, would be an exec VP, head of the sales force, winning an academy award, or in some other position with power, status, and a huge salary.

See, honey, the problem with all this is that in order to screw your way to the top, you've got to be someone guys want to screw. You, with your big fat ass, small breasts, weak chin, mottled skin, and just plain bad hair would love to screw your way to the top. Or just plain screw -- period. But no one wants to screw you. So you've got two problems: a shitty sex life and a lousy job.

What can you do about it? Well, being the lazy little toad you are, probably nothing. But maybe, just maybe, if you get angry enough, you'll dig down, work your ass off, learn stuff nobody but nobody else wants to, and become so fucking invaluable to your company they'll just have to promote you.

You'll make more money, buy better clothes, have a little work done with ye olde plastic surgeon, and emerge out of this smegma of existence into somebody that guys actually do want to fuck. At which point you can start screwing your way to the top.

And all your pathetically jealous, homely, lazy friends will accuse you of getting ahead by giving head.


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